A few days removed from my last post, this post is about that emotional moment I mentioned.
Two months ago I “Talked About Clothes” – accepting my current size and finding clothes to fit and flatter my current figure. All while trying to work on achieving a new (healthier) figure.
Sunday morning I had the sudden urge to clean out and re-do my closet. I started with my dresser and went drawer by drawer making three piles: Keep, donate, and trash. My dresser was packed to the brim I had so much clothes. It certainly felt good to lighten the load.
I moved on to my closet which was full of jeans, skirts, dresses, and other miscellaneous work clothes. I reached into the back corner of my closet, you know the one where clothes you haven’t work in FOR.EVER end up, and pulled out some jeans. It’s been at least 3 years since those jeans had seen the light of day.
Amused by the size of these jeans, I laid a pair on top of my current jeans. I wasn’t amused anymore. I snapped a picture and sent it to Alex saying “What I used to wear on top of what I currently wear.”
I went back to the project at hand, finished what I was doing, and then went about my day like normal. Never giving a second thought to those jeans.
Later that same night I was boxing up clothes to get donated, and putting the others in trash bags. That’s when it hit me. I sat on my bed, tears streaming down my face uncontrollably, and years of unhealthy choices glared from the piles of clothes. I felt like a failure and it was heart wrenching. Seeing my transition from Fit to Fat in clothes was not appealing, but it was necessary.
I’ve written a lot of posts saying “this is the moment that I will change” or “this is the reason I will change”, and even “it starts now”. I am not going to say that anymore.
The jeans don’t define me. They won’t define me.
I’ll leave y’all (and myself) with a quote from one of my favorite men.
“The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.” ~ Walt Disney